Hospice

Tonight has been the hardest night for me so far. Scott is now in hospice at the Christopher House here in Austin. I wasn’t planning on coming by today but I was told that they do not think he will make it through the night. I stayed with him most of the afternoon and evening but eventually I had to head home. No part of me was ready to leave or to say goodbye. This whole thing has happened way too fast. His sister asked him if he was ready to see his dad (who has passed) and for the first time he said yes which told me he was finally ready. Not that I want him to let go but it gave me peace knowing he’s now ready. I know a huge concern for all of us has been him expressing on multiple occasions that he wasn’t ready and still wanted to keeep fighting so to hear him say that was comforting. About an hour before we left we got a hold of Makenna and she was able to Facetime with him. He lit up as soon as he saw her face and as much as I wanted to stay and witness what might be her last conversation with her Papa I had to leave the room. I don’t think anyone has seen me really cry that hard over this until tonight. I completely broke down. She absolutely adores her grandfather and I don’t know what she will do when he’s gone. She idolizes him. He has been the only steady man in her life . He means the world to her and because of that he means the world to me. Not sure how I can get through this again but I know I need to stay tough for her and for my mom. Ugh. Praying for another day with him. Goodnight.